Unfold unfold unfold unfold unfold if this is okay... more than okay, only. 

Only I can’t afford the latter no longer and I am physically unfolding in a painful way. 
Breathe and take breath, separately, please. 
Is the issue at hand real or just perpetuated in mindless mind wandering, driving forever on a constantly steepening curve? 
And oh God it is painful.

“...tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own...” (Alan Bergman’s translation)

But to just relax into this pain leave it to be. Humblingly humiliating to remember the ascent into that tunnel, and also just to let it go. 
Puts one in the correct framing just at the cost of great anxieties, endless pit in my heart.

And with that, give myself to the natural world, but nothing more, as it’s all I know in this lifetime. 
Just give this to heaven the fact that we try to handle this sinking, deep, gut-wrenching consternation by falling in love with it, 
to use as a fuel for transformation. 

Dismayingly intoxicated with this lifetime for I’ll probably never feel this in another,
if another exists,
or even the concept of existence being a fragment of what I can understand in my simple mind. 

trying to think in November 2025